The unquestionable beauty of “manifesting,” consciously creating the life you want is undeniable – choosing what will be and venturing courageously into the unknown reality that presents. Even if the work is mostly internal: you decide, you act, you take fate into your hands. This is very brave, and very beautiful.
I want to talk about another very brave, very beautiful way of approaching life.
A perfect example is a moment from Stephen Sondheim’s Into the Woods (for fans, please note, here I’m referring to the film adaptation, but this is a fascinating exploration discussing the differences between the stage and film versions of the example below).
On the Steps of the Palace
As she is leaving the ball, Cinderella finds the “very smart” prince spread something sticky on the Steps of the Palace, in the hopes of keeping the mysterious maiden he danced with from disappearing again. Semi-stuck, she reflects… “do I stay, or run away?” It’s a glimpse into Cinderella’s internal process as she considers:
Alright, what do you want?
Have to make a decision
...
But then how can you know
Who you are till you know
What you want, which I don't...
So then which do you pick –
Where you're safe, out of sight,
And yourself, but where everything's wrong?
Or where everything's right
But you know that you'll never belong?
...
Wait, though thinking it through
Things don't have to collide
I know what my decision is
Which is not to decide
I'll just leave him a clue
For example, a shoe
And then see what he'll do
Now it's he and not you
Who'll be stuck with a shoe
In a stew, in the goo
And I've learned something, too
Something I never knew
On the steps of the palace
What I love about this is we get to see Cinderella weighing her options here, and carefully. Stuck to the steps, she is forced, and then chooses, to embody the pause. She thinks things through, yes, but she also feels them through, which we can sense through the music. And what’s beautiful to witness is that through her internal sensing and testing, she arrives at a place where both paths can be valid. And ultimately from that place, she makes her decision: not to decide.
Avoiding reality vs. facing both realities
Some might interpret this as being avoidant. But that’s not what this is – because when you avoid something, you are avoiding the emotion that’s attached to it. And Cinderella faces the emotional reality of both staying “safe out of sight where everything’s wrong” and going “where everything’s right but you’ll never belong.” She acknowledges the duality of both potential outcomes honestly. When she makes her decision, she isn’t running away or towards anything in particular – she continues on her way home, and she also leaves a clue. In fact, both doors are left open, inviting in either of the possibilities she explored to take shape of their own accord.
You might say someone in this sort of position “should” decide what she wants, and go for that. But is it true that someone always “should” decide and take action? Or are there scenarios in which this is actually counter-productive?
In some sense, there’s something quietly radical about choosing to see where the story will go rather than chasing the ending down.
What’s interesting is that in her reflection, Cinderella discerned she actually didn’t fully know what she wanted. And, in that paradoxical clarity, there was a freedom that emerged, in surrendering to the unknown. Which makes perfect sense, really – if there’s no clear desire, then there is no clear path to take. So why would one continue moving forward? It’s perhaps in moments like this where the most graceful thing we can do is just to step back and let life lead.
Surrender can take you exactly where you need to go
Surrender actually takes a lot of confidence, centeredness, and trust. It’s lovely to control things (or at least believe we can), but when we can’t, the real challenge presents itself: can we sit back, allow, and receive what reveals itself?
In contrast, fear and control can be a little myopic. These drivers always tell you what you need to do (even if that is technically not doing something, i.e. avoidance). The heart sometimes tells you to do the thing you’re most afraid of, which is often the thing that fear or the need to control can’t even consider as a possible reality. Life is often much more complex and unexpected than our sweet human minds can fathom.
When faced with a decision, can you can walk down any path, live any story, and face the “fear” it brings you? That’s basically all of the emotional gymnastics control wants to avoid. But it’s not that hard to explore them, it just takes honestly and humility. And when we really open ourselves to the range of possibilities, like Cinderella does here, we can allow life will to take us exactly where we need to go.
Stories are a series of unfoldings
Because what happened next for Cinderella? The Prince went and found her. He sought her out, brought back her shoe. She left her stepmother and stepsisters, thank goodness. He swept her off her feet and they got married, and then she had this beautiful time in the palace. And like she predicted on the steps outside, she didn’t belong there. It wasn’t all perfect, even if so much of her life was a “dream.”
Is this a failure, something to avoid all together? Perhaps… but what if her desire brought her to the next chapter of her story, that’s still not over?
There was the desire to go to the festival, the desire to dance with the prince. From this, the desire to maybe see where that goes was born – “what happens if I stay?” If staying at the palace was a failure to avoid, truly, Cinderella wouldn’t have seen that path as equally viable when weighing her options in the first place. She would have sensed it wasn’t a risk she was willing to take, and she’d have taken both her shoes with her when she left.
The point is, Cinderella’s desire took her to the next step, and the next desire. And that desire took her to the next step, and the next desire (whatever that is). That story, that adventure is an evolution: an evolution of, most fundamentally, seeing more of herself and knowing herself more deeply. My favorite thing about Cinderella’s evolution is, she puts herself in a position to truly to receive it all – receive the world around her, receive herself, receive the truth – by allowing it all to be exactly what it is.
To decide or to decide not to decide, that is not the question
When faced with a decision, we can choose one path, or another, or simply let the path choose us. It can’t be, in all cases, necessarily better or worse to choose a path, or choose not to choose a path, for that matter. What matters, instead, is how prepared we are to receive that which we create.
In Cinderella’s case, where in tracing along different storylines through her mind’s eye, there is no clear inclination between two choices, the best thing to do is to prepare to receive whatever life brings next. Equally, in a scenario where there is a clear desire, then it’s in that decision maker’s best interest to be fully open to whatever their decision brings. Otherwise, what’s the point? If you can’t allow what is, you spend your whole life fighting reality no matter what it looks like.
It doesn’t matter if you choose to take action or to surrender: the key is cultivating a sense of openness and allowing like Cinderella did on the steps of the palace. That is what empowers us to embody the bittersweet fruits of whatever we experience along the way, and what makes life a story – worth living to tell the tale.
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